Wild &*%$! Guessing is when we break down topics that could be analyzed, pondered and pontificated ad nauseum and instead boil them down to a tender, tasty morsel of not quite complete bull*%&t.
Well, it's here. The Real Hockey Season. With apologies to those in Toronto, Edmonton, Ottawa and some American cities, tomorrow is when the real hockey teams start playing the games that count. Though the push for the playoffs can certainly elicit its own brand of joy and/or cries of shame and sadness, it's nothing like the actual post season. Pretty sure no one was studying the box score from last week's Leafs v. Sens Battle of Onterriblebarn-burner. So, as the losers dust off their golf clubs and start desperately combing the roster for draft day trade bait, we (along with everyone else and their monkey) boldly step up to make our own first round playoff predictions.
Two Russians finished 1-2 at the top of the NHL points race. But really, nationality and a penchant for putting pucks in the back of the net are about all they have in common. Pittsburgh Penguin Evgeni Malkin officially won the 2009 Art Ross Trophy for most points with 113, with Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals playing runner-up with 110. (Don't shed any tears for Ovie -- he managed to nab the Maurice Richard trophy, for most goals, with 56). Last year, Ovechkin became the first Russian to win the Art Ross.
But beyond the numbers, these are two very different guys. Hell, they even went so far as a public feud and requisite feel-good high-five moment. Ovechkin's the one who flies into the boards in spasms of joy with every goal (drawing the ire of Dapper Don) and is quick with a funny remark or a joke served up in gap-toothed broken English. Meanwhile, Malkin quietly dominates while playing second fiddle to a kid named Crosby when it comes to marketing the Pens -- and even further down the list when it comes to hyping the league. Could the 2009 playoffs change anything?
Yikes. Anyone with a pair of eyes and even a rudimentary grasp of numbers can see how bad the New York Islanders have stunk this season, but last night has proved to be the turd of all turds. This once, somewhat-storied franchise suffered its worst loss ever falling 9-0 to the Carolina Hurricanes. (Shots were 57-12!) Now granted, the Canes are the hottest team in the league right now while the Isles current temperature hovers somewhere between Frosty's undercarriage and that dead baby penguin in March of the Penguins, so it's not like fans would be expecting a miracle, but still.
We're going to try and make this a regular segment here at The Cheap Seats, where we recommend a few articles found over the weekend that are worth another read and maybe even a print out for your special sit-down time.
This weekend, between sessions of vigorous exercise and selfless philanthropic activity, we came upon a few different keepers. Note: You'll notice a distinct lack of Final Four coverage. The reason? The Madness is everywhere right now, the following suggestions are just for those chosen tender moments away from college hoops before Michigan State upsets UNC tomorrow night. The first page-turner we stumbled on is from this month's issue of GQ and chronicles one man's experience working for Lenny Dykstra, former pro baseball player and World Series champ who became a financial planning guru with the help of CNBC's Jim "Mad Money" Cramer. Dykstra used his financial clout to launch The Player's Club magazine to give pro athletes and other billionaires economic advice like which private jet to buy and how to hide a dead hooker when on vacation.
This one's been floating 'round the interwibbles since yesterday but it's too good not to mention again. For all the shootout partypoopers critics that decry this game-ending celebration of skill as an abomination on par with light beer or puggles, one look at this glorious innovation by Sweden's Linus Omark should be enought to take the blinders off. Omark, an Edmonton Oilers prospect playing in the Swedish Elite League, popped this beauty in a recent international friendly against Switzerland.
Sure he had some help from the crossbar, but the move still begs the question -- what other golf/soccer shot will hit hockey next? We've seen the centre ice slapper and plenty of deke genius. Plus, putting just doesn't translate well and a corner kick would be sort of impossible. May we suggest The Floater?
The Toronto Maple Leafs have signed Notre Dame Fighting Irish centre Christian Hanson (above, far left celebrating goal vs MSU) and successfully bridged the gap between hockey fantasy and reality. Sure, the guys who played the Hanson Brothers -- Dave Hanson with Jeff and Steve Carlson -- in the 1977 classic Slap Shot were real hockey players, but none with the potential that Dave's son Christian, one of the most coveted free agents coming out of the U.S. college system this year.
The WWL put together a cool little piece on Hanson Jr. last year, and by the looks of his size and skill it would seem a nice little move by Brian Burke. Not too shabby a PR move, either. In other news, the secret society of MLSE wizards were last seen huddled deep in the ACC's secret shame cave boardroom giddily Googling to find out more on Rob Lowe and Russell Crowe's kids.
OK, so tonight is the first meeting between Martin Brodeur and Sean Avery in the same jerseys as that time when Avery swung his stick and Brodeur called him a dick and the League made a new rule. Remember that? All the hand waving and giggles? Of course you do.
To say these two don't really like each other is a bit obvious. Adding to the already palpable drama is the relatively high profile each has enjoyed as of late. Avery's return to New York has been deemed a success, Ranger fans dig him, the media's paying attention to hockey, and he's back to being a valuable contributor on a hockey team. Meanwhle, Brodeur came back to the Devils after 50 games off due to injury and tied Patrick Roy's career regular-season mark of 551 wins just a couple weeks ago.
But instead of anticipating some sort of rumble in the crease or worse, the real story here is whether the Rangers can get some points to keep their chins above playoff waters and keep Montreal and Florida from knocking them out of contention this late in the season. Still, given we're talking about Mr. Avery, you never know what might happen.
Today, business weekly Advertising Age is talking about the Florida Panthers', and its owners Sunrise Sports & Entertainment, innovative marketing strategies that include taking over "the team's radio and TV-broadcast sales, set up shop in
social-media hubs such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, and
even upgraded digital signage around the Bank Atlantic Center in an
attempt to create a one-stop shopping portal for sponsors." Thing is, in hockey -- particularly in non-traditional (read: snowless) locales -- it doesn't really matter how many Facebook friends, Tweets or flashy digi-signs you have, if the team isn't winning, the leather-faced, sun-spackled masses will avoid you like the pale-skinned plague.
First thing Monday morning and we're just dropping off some stories you might have missed between being sucked into the vortex of March Madness, surprised (or not so much) at the American WBC sayonara at the hands of Japan, and watching Better Off Dead for the 57th time...
The Return of Ron Duguay And the Flowing Locks of Justice Any hockey fans over 30 should remember The Duguay. He was the guy that still didn't wear a helmet in the late 80s, and the chixx in acid wash would swoon every time his majestic hair farm danced in the midst of an offensive rush. Striking. Now, at age 50, Mr. Duguay returned to the ice as a pro for charity. And for a guy who hung with Warhol and hipchecke..er, danced at Studio 54, what better teams to play for than The Brooklyn Aces and the Jersey Rockhoppers?
Don Cherry Performs Broadcast Equivalent of Shaking Fist at (Russian) Kids Running Across His Lawn The bespoked clown of Hockey Night in Canada -- y'know the guy who dresses like a Flin Flon pimp -- once again came out with a perfectly sensible argument against acts of flamboyance in the game of hockey. Seeing as that approach has had nothing to do with his successful broadcasting career, we can completely understand Mr. Cherry's disgust at the antics of one, Alex Ovechkin (who, we're pretty sure, cares very much what the former Colorado Rockies bench boss thinks). For an entirely refreshing take on Mr. Cherry's..uh, relevance and increasingly batsh*t octogenarian gibberish, you could do worse than Puck Daddy's Greg Wyshynski.
OK, so now that Twitter has officially gone mainstream and even your grandmother knows what it is, we're starting to see more and more reports of pro athletes tweet habits. By far the most active contingent is from the NBA, lead by Shaquille O'Neal (aka THE_REAL_SHAQ) who uses his 140 characters to do everything from talk trash to meet fans to give away game tickets at a local mall. Other pro ballers on Twitter include Toronto's Chris Bosh and Milwaukee's Charlie Villanueva, oh, and for Leafs fans there's also the fake Brian Burke.
So far, Twitter feels like a great way to get to know your favorite athletes, what their lives are like on a daily basis and if they have even just an elementary grasp of basic grammar. The Cheap Seats got to thinking about a few things, and right after we confirmed that a tit mouse was a real animal, we asked ourselves, "Which athletes would we like to see Tweet?"
